Story By:

Don’t Call Us and We Won’t Call You

Dressed in a new outfit that you’ve purchased specifically for this occasion, you smooth back your hair and sip the water from the glass on the table. You anxiously glance toward the door every few seconds, trying to see him before he notices you so at least you’ll know what you’re in for. You rehearse again what you’ve planned to say, even though you’re familiar with this routine since you’ve done it several times in the last few months. You’re fidgeting in your seat, tapping your foot or drumming your fingers as you notice someone approach you and you give your most winning smile and sit back to down to begin the interview process.

Each meeting starts the same way: polite introductions; a bit on your background; what are your strengths and weaknesses; possibly a discussion of your interests; and finally, do you have any questions for me? Contact information is handed out, hands shake, then, it was good to meet you.

Later that night, you’ve shed your jacket, hiked up your skirt to a sexier but still respectable length and splashed on some makeup. Now you sit at a table nursing a cocktail anxiously looking at the door, waiting for him to arrive. You remind yourself of his interests, occupation, where he grew up, etc. He’s the fourth guy this month so you need to keep your details straight. He arrives and once again, you smile that winning smile and he smiles back. Pleasantries are exchanged, a bit on your background and a discussion of interests. Contact information is handed out, hands shake, maybe a kiss on the cheek or a friendly hug, then, it was good to meet you.

Thankfully, I’ve never put myself through the agony of a job interview and a first date in the same night; I think that would qualify as cruel and unusual punishment. Having both in the same month is torture enough! At the age of late-twenties-approaching-thirty, some of us are still trying to find our footing, our professional niche and our soulmate. Potential employers and potential relationships sure don’t make this process easy. I’ve come to the conclusion that there’s no rhyme or reason for why someone doesn’t call you back, either for a second interview or a second date. Perhaps the chemistry wasn’t there or you’re just not the right fit.

This, of course, starts the self-analysis: What did I do wrong? Did I reveal too much? Was I not honest enough? Did they think I was too serious? Maybe they’re looking for someone with a lighter side. I should have done this or I can’t believe I did that! And you swear to do it better the next time, if there IS a next time, which there probably won’t be because why would anyone want you if you’re this neurotic, analytic, insecure or crazy? I wouldn’t want to work with someone like this and I sure as hell wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with me!

Three days later, you open your inbox to find an e-mail from that potential employer inviting you to come back a second time, to meet with the Head of This and the Director of That and, in your head (since you’re at the desk of your current job) you jump up and down and shriek with glee. You run out after work to pick up a second professional-looking outfit since you can’t wear the same clothes they just saw a few days ago and being called back for a possible job is unprecedented so you only have the one business suit.

As you leave the store, you check the time on your cell phone and notice that you have one new voicemail message. You half-listen, expecting it to be your roommate reminding you to pick up cereal or chicken or it’s your mom calling to tell you she’ll be coming to visit and then, you stop dead in your tracks as you vaguely recognize a male voice. He’s tripping over his words as if he’s nervous, which makes you smile as you hear the words, “had fun…do it again…free this Friday?” Your heart beats faster while you dial his number, silently thanking the Relationship God that his voicemail picks up and you accept this Friday and ask him to call with details of where and when to meet. Phew! The ball is back in his court.

Both meetings go well, again. As you walk out of the office feeling confident and intelligent and wanted, you hold the business cards of the Head of This and the Director of That and you’re already planning to write them a follow-up thank you e-mail when you get home. Then, “we’ll be in touch.”

The next night, he walks you to the subway or hails you a cab after a date filled with laughter and comfort and you’re excited as he takes you in his arms. It’s a perfect kiss! Then, “I’ll call you.” And everything is set in motion…The two aspects of life that are supposed to bring you much happiness and fulfillment are finally starting to work out! It’s about time! You sit on the subway smiling to yourself, feeling confident and sexy and desired.

And then all you can do it wait. You don’t hear back from the job or the boy for a week. You’ve sent emails: It was great to discuss the job with you. I know I’d be the right fit.

It was great hanging out with you. I hope to hear from you soon. And you wait for a response-a text message that says “get lost” or a voicemail saying, “thanks, but no thanks. That message of rejection never manages to find its way to you and you’re left hanging…Did he forget your number? Did they stop their search for some reasonable reason? Then ultimately you recognize that this is probably never going to happen. None of it.

Denial: He’ll call, I know he will. That company would be lost without me, they’ll come to their senses. They just HAVE to!

Anger: It’s his loss! I am the best girl he’ll ever meet! They’ll be sorry, just you wait! Bargaining: If the guy will call, I don’t care if the job comes through. The job is perfect for me, but there are so many fish in the sea.

Depression: Oh God! I’ll be alone and miserable forever! Nothing will ever work out for me!

And, Acceptance: Ok, this happened. It’s not the first time this has happened and it won’t be the last. I can either shrivel up and die or I can put myself back out there.

And so you brush yourself off, dustier than before and a bit bruised now, and you dive back into the dating pool and post your resume for all to see so you can start all over again.

Poem

It's too much for one heart
It's much too tough to take
The way you make me knees go weak
The way I bend until I break.

It's too much for one heart
to have dreams of what can be
Sometimes you reach to hold my hand
Oh, I want something so deeply.

It's too much for one heart
to sense the end is almost here
Everything is undefined
feelings unspoken are feelings unclear

It's too much for one heart
to cry and laugh at the same time
the pain in my soul won't let me smile
the voice in my head screams at you, he's mine!

It's too much for one heart
to know we fit like a glove
Perfection and attraction are simply words
The emotion must be love.

It's too much for one heart
it's hard to be alone
to want one, to have one
Am I better off alone?

It's too much for one heart
to cause anger and pain
the tears I shed are caused by me
the tears I weep wash away like rain

It's too much for one heart
hoping and wishing for a dream come true
is he the match for me?
I need to understand you.

It's too much for one heart
life is defined by pairs
love is the key to it all
am I only now becoming aware?

It's too much for one heart
I trust and believe in you.
The time will come when the light will shine
And a lonely one will become two.